Friday 13th July 2007 - the day when I thought my world had ended

I didnt actually start keeping a written diary until my terminal diagnosis - that will come later, but OH how I remember this day.
I found a lump appromately 8 weeks previous to this date, kept an eye for a couple of weeks, it didnt go away to went to GP.  I had a fatty lump removed from my right breast a few years ago, so assumed this was the same - a simple lipoma.  GP thought the same, told me to come back in a month, she thought it was nothing.
Went back a month later, lump still there so she referred me to 1 stop breast clinic which was on 29th June 07.  I was on a 12 hour shift as a kids nurse.  Didnt tell anyone at work details, just said I had clinic and would be back before long - how wrong was I? 
Saw breast care nurse - mammogram not suspicious - oh good I thought.  Then saw breast care nurse - the lump is mobile - thats good!!  They still needed to do FNA (fine needle aspiration) - not enough cells, so they tried again - mmmm we need to do biopsy now.  Had biopsies done under ultrasound guidance - bloody painful.  By this time I had been to clinic for 4 or 5 hours.  I asked outright - do you think I have cancer?   The answer - yes we are almost 100% sure, but have to wait for official results.  I was still on my own at clinic as I thought it would be another fatty lump and I was still in my nurses uniform.  My mind was a complete blur.  My lovely new breast care nurse came in and sat with me.  I had to phone the ward - tell them I wouldnt be coming back - didnt tell them why.  I walked out to car park and phone one of my best friends - N - she tried to tell me not to jump to conclusions - easy for her to say - she hadnt seen their faces.  Then phoned S, my other best friend, then S (boyfriend at time).  I was wondering around in a daze.
Week of 2nd July, they phoned - I had to go back on Friday 6th July as not enough cells from 1st biopsy, so back I went, more biopsies, more pain.  S was with me - he hated seeing me in pain.
Week of 9th July, another phonecall - I had an appointment with Consultant Oncologist on Friday 13th July - well that was it, I would not be seeing an oncologist if I didnt have cancer now would I?
Went to GP on 12th July - she was absolutely flabbergasted at news - I could see it in her face - she almost never referred me because of my previous hisory.  Still see her today tho as I still trust her.
So that leads me to Friday 13th July - the day my whole world changed.  Told def breast cancer (as if I didnt know).  I had triple negative breast cancer - which is a particulary aggressive form.  I had choices to make - surgery then chemo, or chemo then surgery.  Decided on chemo first, try to shrink the lump, as I so wanted to try to keep my breast.  Was told about AC chemo - would almost definately lose my hair, although I could try cold cap (more about that later).
Went home and had to tell Suzie and my dad.  How do I tell them I have cancer - it was the worst thing ever - trying to sound positive while all the time I was just screaming inside - WHY ME, WHY ME.  I didnt want to hurt them, didnt want to tell them this horrible horrible news, even now it seems surreal and unreal.
The start of my journey.............................................