9th December 2008

Waited for Suzie to come home from school.
She could tell as soon as she walked in there was something wrong.
What could I say??????????  I just told her exactly what happened and what I knew.  Obviously she was very upset.  How can I comfort her?  There is nothing good to say about this.  I feel like I am ruining her life, although obviously its not my fault.  I want to protect her from this but have to be honest.  She should not be having to deal with this shit - she has been through so much in her life already.  I am just so lucky she is such a well balanced teenager with lots of good friends.  I lover her so so much
My one comfort - if I can call it a comfort - is - I know I have thrown everything at this to try to prevent this coming back.  I had chemo, I had mastectomy (when could have had quadranectomy), and had radiotherapy.  Its just this triple negative cancer is so aggressive.  I did all I could possibly do, but it was not enough.
God I feel so so alone