Well I saw my psych M today. It was a really tough session, with many many tears shed. I just feel overwhelming sadness just now, and I don't like feeling like this, BUT I have to allow myself these feelings, be with them as they are, and accept them, otherwise I am going to stay in this black hole. I have to stop the dislike of feeling like this, stop fighting it, and just let it be. I have to be more compassionate towards myself (I do give myself a hard time), a bit like the compassion I used to show to parents when they were upset/bereaved etc. So that's my exercises for the next week or so till I see her again.
Have oncology tomorrow to discuss my options - kind of looking forward to making decisions, but still hoping they will CT Scan me soon.
I am still so very very tired, but this could also be down to fighting my emotions all the time (partly), this can be draining in itself.
I could be doing with a great big cuddle from someone right now, but Alas my arms are empty. Don't want to pile how I am feeling on Suzie or dad, but don't know what else to do.
This is my story, as a 42 year old, young woman, living with terminal breast cancer.
Aw Fi,
ReplyDeleteI would give you the biggest hug if I were near to you.
C x