I nearly never went as I have felt really low lately. The Sunday after restarting chemo on the Thursday, I just hit a wall, both mentally and physically.
I just retreated into a big black cave for about a week, before forcing myself to go out and about. I didnt want to, and didnt speak to anyone in that week, apart from Suzie and dad. I am hiding how bad I feel from Suzie and dad, but they do realise I am not myself.
Mentally, I just feel like giving up. I feel such a pressure to keep going, as chemo is working, and I know it is not the time , not by a long shot for stopping treatment altogether, but just cant get it out of my head. I am totally fed up taking this poison, which has made me feel physically rotten since restarting, and just cant get this out of my head. I never realised how difficult it would be to take tabs twice a day, having to eat food when I dont feel like it, for 2 weeks and only have 1 week off. I thought taking oral would be so much easier and better than IV chemo, but I am changing my mind about that.
I have started going out and about and seeing people, but am having to force myself to do it. I hate feeling like this, I really do, but just cant seem to snap out of it.
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