Today is a very low day. I feel so so sleepy and just tearful. Just had my GP, cried when speaking to her. I have M this afternoon, I know there will be tears then.
GP thinks its a mix of things making me like this, cancer being the obvious one, but I started on a new heart tablet about 6 weeks ago - that can make me tired (so not going to up dose of that), started back on chemo (altho not on it just now), around the same time as heart tablet. The side effects of the chemo have been bad. Relationship breakdown. She has suggested I increase my antidepressant, just in the short term to see if this helps - I am not keen but will try. Last time I was on full dose, I was having the most horrible vivid dreams that I would remember all the next day, they were really disturbing. If I start having bad dreams again, she will try another family of happy pills.
I was out yesterday for lunch and cocktails with L, and altho I enjoyed myself, I didn't feel 'me' at all.
I am doing all the right things - seeing M, speaking to GP, going to CLAN for treatments, telling others how I feel, but its just not changing, and this is getting me more down. I want happy, fun loving Fiona back, I don't know where she has gone.
Maybe I am being to impatient with myself.
I also miss my 2 best friends.........................
Going to go off and try some mindfulness
This is my story, as a 42 year old, young woman, living with terminal breast cancer.
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