I am OK

I am feeling strangely calm and accepting again.  Even after yesterdays news, I am quite a peace with it. 

This feels very good after all the angst I have suffered the past couple of months.  I started seeing my psychologist again when I feel into my big black hole and couldn't find a way out.  I have only actually had about 4 sessions with her, but when I went to see her today, I was thinking I don't think I need to come back again at the mo.  At the end of our session, she had obviously seen the difference in me, and asked how I felt about coming back - did I think I needed to.  So mutually we decided, no, I have come to a place where I don't need her (for now).  I am sure I will need her in the future, and she is very happy with this, for me to contact her when I need her again.

I have learned, through M, and mindfulness practices, to be more compassionate with myself.  To live with myself, how I am, 'in the present moment'.  Not to berate myself for having to stay in bed for example, due to fatigue.  I have also learned to be at peace when sadness occurs, to let it out, cos keeping it in all the time, just takes so much energy, and to be happy, we have to let the sadness out.  Also, I need to prioritise what I want to use the little energy I have on - ie doing things with Suzie, or with my friends, things that I want to do and things that make me happy.

It feels so good to be at peace again, and just live for the day, taking each day as it comes.  I wish I could carry M on my shoulder to keep reminding me of things, when I do get angst!!

Life is good again, even though I am still physically exhausted, it is how it is.

:) :)