Well, here we are, 2012, and who would have thought I would still be here and 'well'???
Its amazing really , when I think back, and I know I have said it before but I really am grateful.
So what is this year gonna bring for me?? No doubt in my head, more worries about the cancer, but apart from that, who knows. Just gonna try and enjoy, as I have been doing as much as possible.
I went to McNasty's to see the New Year in, with Suzie, RT and of course lots of other friends from the pub. Had a great night, with lots of laughs, and when it came to 'the bells', they had a piper. Since the mets dx, I always feel a bit 'funny' when the bells strike, and this year was no different. Its not that I am not happy, but just weird not knowing what the next year is gonna bring. Had tears in my eyes, but held them back. Anyway, the piper was really good, great atmosphere, but just a tad emotional.
So thats all the festivities over for another year, took the tree and decs down on 27th, nice to get back to 'normal'.
Today is the official start to my gluten free diet - trying this to see if my horrible bowels improve - hoping this will be the answer, rather than relying on drugs, so have to give it a good go. Going out for lunch tomorrow so that will be trying - hopefully they will know whats gluten free and not. Also starting a healthy eating plan today as I simply have to lose weight - my aim is at least 2 stone, which I know is not gonna be easy. Not joining any sort of club, I know what I should and should not eat, so gonna try to do it on my own, along with gentle exercise. Wish me luck!!!
And today's reading.....
Life in itself is an empty canvas, it becomes whatsoever you paint on it. You can paint misery, you can paint bliss. The freedom is your glory.....Live Laugh Love
This is my story, as a 42 year old, young woman, living with terminal breast cancer.
Monday, 2 January 2012
Saturday, 24 December 2011
Merry Christmas
Hi
Just wanted to come on and wish all my family and friends a very merry christmas and the best of health for 2012.
It has been a mixed week - for me - of unknown illness - possibly viral type infection, or UTI, or both. All I know is I could not get out of bed on Tuesday, even had to call doc in (which is not like me), spent Wednesday in bed too, although sitting up some of the time, and apart from nipping to asda yesterday (which was very hard work), have been resting up.
Christmas Day is tomorrow, and altho I feel better, I am still running on about 75% capacity. Have eaten very little, but still gonna cook for dad and Suzie tomorrow and will try to eat myself.
On the plus side, my New Year diet has been kick started early and I have lost 6 1/2 pounds in about 5 days!! Well needed - but not like that!!! I really did feel bloody awful.
Dad was back in hossie too after having a fall at home, and then getting chest pain - but that was caused by bruised ribs. Its sad, but he is ageing quite quickly now I feel, and I know he worries about me, but sad to see him ageing so quickly all of a sudden to me.
Having a surprise at the sheltered housing on 30th for his 70th birthday, so he had better bloody behave himself and stay out of hospital, which he aint been doing a good job of this last 6 weeks or so.
Anyway, enough of that for now.
Who would have thought I would still be here - I am very very grateful for that.......so heres to another christmas with my family, and seeing my friends over the festive season.
Much Love and Health to all
Me
xxx
Todays thoughts...... The world if full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming...... HELEN KELLER
Just wanted to come on and wish all my family and friends a very merry christmas and the best of health for 2012.
It has been a mixed week - for me - of unknown illness - possibly viral type infection, or UTI, or both. All I know is I could not get out of bed on Tuesday, even had to call doc in (which is not like me), spent Wednesday in bed too, although sitting up some of the time, and apart from nipping to asda yesterday (which was very hard work), have been resting up.
Christmas Day is tomorrow, and altho I feel better, I am still running on about 75% capacity. Have eaten very little, but still gonna cook for dad and Suzie tomorrow and will try to eat myself.
On the plus side, my New Year diet has been kick started early and I have lost 6 1/2 pounds in about 5 days!! Well needed - but not like that!!! I really did feel bloody awful.
Dad was back in hossie too after having a fall at home, and then getting chest pain - but that was caused by bruised ribs. Its sad, but he is ageing quite quickly now I feel, and I know he worries about me, but sad to see him ageing so quickly all of a sudden to me.
Having a surprise at the sheltered housing on 30th for his 70th birthday, so he had better bloody behave himself and stay out of hospital, which he aint been doing a good job of this last 6 weeks or so.
Anyway, enough of that for now.
Who would have thought I would still be here - I am very very grateful for that.......so heres to another christmas with my family, and seeing my friends over the festive season.
Much Love and Health to all
Me
xxx
Todays thoughts...... The world if full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming...... HELEN KELLER
Friday, 9 December 2011
Bowels
Dont let the title put you off - lol.
I have been bothered with my bowels being very very loose for a long time, it has made me feel ill and sick, getting worse.
I finally had enough a few weeks ago, and even more so about a week ago, so phoned my GP again. I was started on Codeine Phosphate - which you may or may not know is a pain killer, but it is one that is know to 'bung you up'. Since starting it, my bowels have improved greatly, I have just had to play about with the dose to get the correct balance, and I seem to have reached that.
I cannot believe I have put up with this for so so long, but at least I seem to be getting control now - long may it continue.
Its now only a couple of weeks or so till xmas - not really feeling festive, but sure I will get there. Still cannot believe I am still here and still so well :)
Mentally I am still doing fine too - quite upbeat most of the time which is good, and have had a few things on with friends so its all good.
Todays writing......
Learn to calm down the winds of your mind, and you will enjoy greater inner peace...... Live Laugh Love
I have been bothered with my bowels being very very loose for a long time, it has made me feel ill and sick, getting worse.
I finally had enough a few weeks ago, and even more so about a week ago, so phoned my GP again. I was started on Codeine Phosphate - which you may or may not know is a pain killer, but it is one that is know to 'bung you up'. Since starting it, my bowels have improved greatly, I have just had to play about with the dose to get the correct balance, and I seem to have reached that.
I cannot believe I have put up with this for so so long, but at least I seem to be getting control now - long may it continue.
Its now only a couple of weeks or so till xmas - not really feeling festive, but sure I will get there. Still cannot believe I am still here and still so well :)
Mentally I am still doing fine too - quite upbeat most of the time which is good, and have had a few things on with friends so its all good.
Todays writing......
Learn to calm down the winds of your mind, and you will enjoy greater inner peace...... Live Laugh Love
Friday, 2 December 2011
Thoracic Surgeon
I cannot remember if I wrote before, think I did, but after my last scan, I enquired about possibility of having the small bit of cancer in my left lung removed, as it appears (altho there could still be microscopic cancer elsewhere we just don't know about yet), that this little bit of cancer is the only active bit.
I saw a thoracic surgeon on Wednesday. He was very nice, altho there was a wee bit of a mis communication. As well as my scan being discussed at x ray MDT meeting, when I got referred to thoracic surgeon, I was also discussed at the lung MDT meeting, so he thought I was there to hear about the surgery, and was ready to whip me in before xmas to get it done!!!! I was like - WOHHHHH , slow down, I aint even decided if I am having it removed now.
After I came out of there, and weighed everything up, I was erring on the NO side - as in not opting for surgery. I have left him saying I will discuss with oncologists when I see them in January.
I think people who don't have medical background are thinking - whip it out if its the only active bit. I had a long phone conversation with my chemo nurse yesterday - D. And for various reasons, I am even more erring on the NO side now. Trying to sum it up - basically there is greater risk of 'stirring up the cancer cell hornets nest' if they go in and disturb things, than leaving it alone and keeping an eye. They will not scan me earlier than a year. Also, if I got the surgery, the oncologists would definately give me chemo - to 'mop up' and stray cancer cells that may have been disturbed. I am fairly well just now, and should I go ahead with what could turn into a major op, I could be left with permanent nerve damage and pain, AND if the cancer was stirred up, I would be far less fit to tolerate chemo than I would be if things stirred up on their own right now.
I need to write down pros and cons, but have already done that mentally, and I have only come up with one pro so far - and that is - technically I would have no active cancer - but thats all to do with my brain - can I live with cancer in my body - well I have been for lots of years now, and yes can live with the knowledge that its there. Even though they removed this bit, I would still be classed as having metastatic disease.
Still pondering things over, but still keep coming up with NO.
D said, he, and the oncologists just cannot believe I am in this position to be even having to consider this - they , as I did, had me dead and buries years ago. As he reminded me, I was admitted to hospital after I got the mets diagnosis, with headaches, vomiting etc, and in his words - looked awful - they all thought the cancer had spread to my brain and that I was on my way out, cos of how I looked, and how aggressive the cancer was - now look at me!!?? As he said, I , and this cancer, have never done things by the book, and they are all astounded - but happily so.
I still have triple negative cancer, and they know if will kick off again, and when it does, it will probably be rapid, but there are still 4 other chemo's they have waiting in the sidelines, so all is not lost even when it does.
Suppose I always have been a stubborn little bugger :):)
Love
Fi
xxx
Todays saying........
May my heart be kind, my mind fierce, and my spirit brave....... Live Laugh Love
I saw a thoracic surgeon on Wednesday. He was very nice, altho there was a wee bit of a mis communication. As well as my scan being discussed at x ray MDT meeting, when I got referred to thoracic surgeon, I was also discussed at the lung MDT meeting, so he thought I was there to hear about the surgery, and was ready to whip me in before xmas to get it done!!!! I was like - WOHHHHH , slow down, I aint even decided if I am having it removed now.
After I came out of there, and weighed everything up, I was erring on the NO side - as in not opting for surgery. I have left him saying I will discuss with oncologists when I see them in January.
I think people who don't have medical background are thinking - whip it out if its the only active bit. I had a long phone conversation with my chemo nurse yesterday - D. And for various reasons, I am even more erring on the NO side now. Trying to sum it up - basically there is greater risk of 'stirring up the cancer cell hornets nest' if they go in and disturb things, than leaving it alone and keeping an eye. They will not scan me earlier than a year. Also, if I got the surgery, the oncologists would definately give me chemo - to 'mop up' and stray cancer cells that may have been disturbed. I am fairly well just now, and should I go ahead with what could turn into a major op, I could be left with permanent nerve damage and pain, AND if the cancer was stirred up, I would be far less fit to tolerate chemo than I would be if things stirred up on their own right now.
I need to write down pros and cons, but have already done that mentally, and I have only come up with one pro so far - and that is - technically I would have no active cancer - but thats all to do with my brain - can I live with cancer in my body - well I have been for lots of years now, and yes can live with the knowledge that its there. Even though they removed this bit, I would still be classed as having metastatic disease.
Still pondering things over, but still keep coming up with NO.
D said, he, and the oncologists just cannot believe I am in this position to be even having to consider this - they , as I did, had me dead and buries years ago. As he reminded me, I was admitted to hospital after I got the mets diagnosis, with headaches, vomiting etc, and in his words - looked awful - they all thought the cancer had spread to my brain and that I was on my way out, cos of how I looked, and how aggressive the cancer was - now look at me!!?? As he said, I , and this cancer, have never done things by the book, and they are all astounded - but happily so.
I still have triple negative cancer, and they know if will kick off again, and when it does, it will probably be rapid, but there are still 4 other chemo's they have waiting in the sidelines, so all is not lost even when it does.
Suppose I always have been a stubborn little bugger :):)
Love
Fi
xxx
Todays saying........
May my heart be kind, my mind fierce, and my spirit brave....... Live Laugh Love
School Reunion
Well we had the school reunion on Saturday 26th, and think I can confidently say it was a huge success, both in terms of turnout, people enjoying, and extreme generosity.
A, D and myself, were kept busy from the time we went in to set things up at 630, until about just before 11pm when we finally finished the raffle draw, then it was time to dance, something I don't usually do, but I kept getting dragged up.
We were raising money for Aberdeen Breast Cancer Research Fund, and with donations, gift aid, ticket sales and raffle and silent auction - we raised an astounding £4379!!!! Totally humbling and amazing, especially given time of year, everyones finances etc. BIG BIG thank you to everyone who donated, helped and especially D and A. I even managed to do a speech, after which, a few strangers in the bar came up to me and said well done and great speech!!
Anyway, had a fab night, although I/We did not recognise everyone, most we did. Intend to make it an annual fundraiser, with hopefully mini get togethers in between times.
Todays saying.....
Anyone can give up, its the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, thats true strength..... Live Laugh Love
A, D and myself, were kept busy from the time we went in to set things up at 630, until about just before 11pm when we finally finished the raffle draw, then it was time to dance, something I don't usually do, but I kept getting dragged up.
We were raising money for Aberdeen Breast Cancer Research Fund, and with donations, gift aid, ticket sales and raffle and silent auction - we raised an astounding £4379!!!! Totally humbling and amazing, especially given time of year, everyones finances etc. BIG BIG thank you to everyone who donated, helped and especially D and A. I even managed to do a speech, after which, a few strangers in the bar came up to me and said well done and great speech!!
Anyway, had a fab night, although I/We did not recognise everyone, most we did. Intend to make it an annual fundraiser, with hopefully mini get togethers in between times.
Todays saying.....
Anyone can give up, its the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, thats true strength..... Live Laugh Love
Saturday, 19 November 2011
Me again.......
Thought I had better update - whats been happening??
Well I phoned chemo nurse to discuss whether my scan had been discussed at x ray meeting, and it had, and he also had copy of letter (which I have since received), from onc . Basically at the x ray meeting, it was agreed no new growths on my scan, and the cancerous nodule was confirmed as just having grown 2mm in a year. They did discuss whether surgery would be an option, and it probably would be, but they would probably like to sit on it, and scan me in another year - which seems a bit long to me!! However the letter did say if I want referred to cardio thoracic to discuss options then thats fine too, so after discussion with D, thats what I am going to do.
To be honest, if it was thoracotomy, that is a major op, so its not a decision I would jump into, but if it could be done keyhole then that would be a better option. I have lots of questions I need to ask, and after that lots of thinking.
IF I got the nodule removed, I would technically have no active cancer in my body - altho there could obviously be microscopic cells elsewhere that just do not show up on scan yet. Guess its a question if I want to risk surgery, or wrist leaving the cancer to grow further then start treatment again - not an easy one!!!
Thats the health news. The school reunion is now only 1 week today - the excitement is really building, so has the list of people coming, and the list of fab raffle prizes. Really looking forward to it, cant wait.
Was out to pub yesterday with old school friend F, went out for lunch - and got home at 0130!!! Was supposed to have old sick kids lunch today, but I switched off my alarm this morning, fell asleep again, and didn't wake up till 1130 - the lunch started at 12, so there was no way I was going to make it - shame I was looking forward to it.
Think thats about it for now
Bye for noooooo
F
xxx
Todays saying.....
Many people think because a person appears to be well on the outside, that nothing is wrong on the inside. This is not true. Many of us are hiding our physical and mental pain with a smile.........Paulo Coelho
Well I phoned chemo nurse to discuss whether my scan had been discussed at x ray meeting, and it had, and he also had copy of letter (which I have since received), from onc . Basically at the x ray meeting, it was agreed no new growths on my scan, and the cancerous nodule was confirmed as just having grown 2mm in a year. They did discuss whether surgery would be an option, and it probably would be, but they would probably like to sit on it, and scan me in another year - which seems a bit long to me!! However the letter did say if I want referred to cardio thoracic to discuss options then thats fine too, so after discussion with D, thats what I am going to do.
To be honest, if it was thoracotomy, that is a major op, so its not a decision I would jump into, but if it could be done keyhole then that would be a better option. I have lots of questions I need to ask, and after that lots of thinking.
IF I got the nodule removed, I would technically have no active cancer in my body - altho there could obviously be microscopic cells elsewhere that just do not show up on scan yet. Guess its a question if I want to risk surgery, or wrist leaving the cancer to grow further then start treatment again - not an easy one!!!
Thats the health news. The school reunion is now only 1 week today - the excitement is really building, so has the list of people coming, and the list of fab raffle prizes. Really looking forward to it, cant wait.
Was out to pub yesterday with old school friend F, went out for lunch - and got home at 0130!!! Was supposed to have old sick kids lunch today, but I switched off my alarm this morning, fell asleep again, and didn't wake up till 1130 - the lunch started at 12, so there was no way I was going to make it - shame I was looking forward to it.
Think thats about it for now
Bye for noooooo
F
xxx
Todays saying.....
Many people think because a person appears to be well on the outside, that nothing is wrong on the inside. This is not true. Many of us are hiding our physical and mental pain with a smile.........Paulo Coelho
Friday, 4 November 2011
George Michael
Well what can I say...........exactly a week ago, Suzie and I were inside the Royal Albert Hall, in the champagne bar eagerly awaiting the one and only George Michael..........and I for one was not disappointed. He was everything I ever hoped for and more.
The gig was just fantastic, I sat with a grin on my face most of the time, and just couldn't believe that I was finally seeing him after being a fan since the Wham days.
The Royal Albert Hall was a very special place too - absolutely stunning.
There are just no words to describe the whole experience, his voice was truly amazing, and he was looking very fit indeed and is ageing very well.
The whole trip to London was good, with Suzie, S and R. We went to see Shrek the musical Thursday night, the girls went shopping on Regent Street on Friday, whilst S and I sat in bar. On Saturday, we went to Covent Garden, but S was in a lot of pain so had to back to hotel to lie down before the show at night. Suzie and I saw Wicked again at night. All in all, a good time had by all I think.
I should be feeling top of the world after my scan results, but to be honest I am still feeling pretty shite and don't know why - feel sicky, little appetite, little energy, and have had a few dizzy spells. Getting pretty pizd off feeling like this, and not knowing why. Trying to sort out bowels and see if that helps any, but will head back to GP if this sicky feeling persists.
Mentally I am still fine, don't think I am depressed, just fed up feeling crap.
will try to attach pic of GM once I am on lappy rather than ipad.
Wish I was seeing George again tonight - lol
xxxx
Todays verse.....
You can't have a better tomorrow if your thinking about yesterday all the time..... Live Laugh Love
The gig was just fantastic, I sat with a grin on my face most of the time, and just couldn't believe that I was finally seeing him after being a fan since the Wham days.
The Royal Albert Hall was a very special place too - absolutely stunning.
There are just no words to describe the whole experience, his voice was truly amazing, and he was looking very fit indeed and is ageing very well.
The whole trip to London was good, with Suzie, S and R. We went to see Shrek the musical Thursday night, the girls went shopping on Regent Street on Friday, whilst S and I sat in bar. On Saturday, we went to Covent Garden, but S was in a lot of pain so had to back to hotel to lie down before the show at night. Suzie and I saw Wicked again at night. All in all, a good time had by all I think.
I should be feeling top of the world after my scan results, but to be honest I am still feeling pretty shite and don't know why - feel sicky, little appetite, little energy, and have had a few dizzy spells. Getting pretty pizd off feeling like this, and not knowing why. Trying to sort out bowels and see if that helps any, but will head back to GP if this sicky feeling persists.
Mentally I am still fine, don't think I am depressed, just fed up feeling crap.
will try to attach pic of GM once I am on lappy rather than ipad.
Wish I was seeing George again tonight - lol
xxxx
Todays verse.....
You can't have a better tomorrow if your thinking about yesterday all the time..... Live Laugh Love
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